Two Hearts
by ThatAutumnNight
Summary: There’s nothing wrong with that, right? If you really love someone, you’d give your whole heart to them, right? …I would… If you loved me, Axel, would you do the same?


**"Two Hearts."**

"…And your eyes always look so watery, like you're about to cry or something." I told the blonde boy sitting next to me. He cocked his head towards me without replying. I looked into his blue eyes and smiled. "Not to mention that your eyelashes are longer than most."

Roxas rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "Will you stop comparing me to a girl? Sure, I may _look_ a bit … feminine… but that doesn't mean I'm any less manly than you are. I'm a guy, so cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it. You don't have to rub my girly eyelashes in my face."

I shrugged and kept my mouth shut for a moment. Here we were sitting on top of the clock tower again, watching the never ending sunset. I sat close to Roxas. So close, I could hold his hand. So close, that if I reached out, I could hug him.

"Soon, I won't be able to talk to your consciousness like this."

Roxas jumped at the sound of my voice. Was he thinking about something important? _Someone_ important? Enough to make him forget that he was with me?

"I… I'm going back to how I was." He said, hesitant. Maybe he was afraid of going back, but his smile made me think otherwise. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing him. My Roxas is a smart kid. He knows what he's doing… I think.

"I've thought about it a lot. Namine said the same thing." I glanced at him, a lump forming in my throat. I didn't want to ask because maybe he knew the answer and I thought that maybe it's an answer I didn't want to hear.

"Roxas, you have a heart, don't you? While Namine and I don't really…" His eyes widened and I looked away. "…have hearts, do we?"

"… I don't know either."

I smirked at him. "I guess not."

A smile tugged on his lips a bit as he looked to the horizon. "But the heart's not something you can see. I've started wondering whether it's something you can't feel either. If so, then…"

Roxas took one fleeting look at me and for some reason; it made my cheeks flush and my whole body stiffen. He laughed at my reaction and stared back into the distance. My shoulders relaxed but my cheeks stayed pink. _Why do I have this urge to kiss him, right here, right now?_ I told myself.

"Nah, nevermind." I heard him say.

_Nevermind?_ How could I not mind _that_?. "What're you getting at?" I asked him, but Roxas just shook his head. As much as I love Roxas, sometimes, I just don't understand the kid. "You really are like a girl, y'know." My voice came in a more serious tone than I intended.

"Don't start with that again."

"…but the way you talk about hearts… You sound like a high school girl. It's like you're in love with someone or something."

A pink tinge appeared across Roxas' face. "Yeah, so what if I am?"

"Are you really willing to give up your heart for the person you love? Would you?"

I don't know what possessed me to say that. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I barely noticed exactly when Roxas started staring at me.

"You're… not trying to compare me to a girl anymore, are you?"

"No, I'm comparing you to me."

Roxas looked taken aback but he still looked intently at me. His eyes moving from side to side, as if looking for something, for some answers to the questions forming inside his little blonde head._There's nothing wrong with that, right? If you really love someone, you'd give your whole heart to them, right? …I would…_ He blinked twice and opened his mouth but then he closed it again without saying anything. _If you loved me, Axel, would you do the same?_

"I wouldn't." I whispered, answering both our questions, though I didn't know just how much I hurt him when I unintentionally answered his. "I'm a nobody, Roxas. You're not. I think –I _know_ you have a heart. You're something. You're _someone._ I know you can give up your heart because you've already lived a life knowing how it feels to have one. I can't just give up my heart for someone I love, because it's like giving up my very existence. If I had to give up my heart –my existence-, then what's the point of loving someone in the first place?"

I thought that as much as I loved Roxas, I couldn't give him a heart, because I didn't have one. As much as I loved Roxas, I couldn't –wouldn't give him a heart because then, what would happen to me? Much worse, if Roxas _didn't_ have a heart and he gave up everything, what would happen to _him_?

I turned towards Roxas and noticed that his eyes glistened more than usual in the light, a shocked expression in them. "You're such a jerk." He told me as he looked away. I felt a sinking sensation as I recalled everything I had said to him. Could it be that Roxas loved me so much that he _was_ willing to give up everything?

I raised my arms and reached out slightly. I held his small frame and pulled him close to me. _I'm sorry…_ I hugged him tighter. _I'm really sorry…. but I can't change who I am. I'm a nobody. I'm _nothing_. My whole _existence_ is to get a heart. I may sound selfish but there's nothing I can do. I'm only hoping you can understand. _

"Do you remember?" I said to him in a low voice. "We first met the day you got your new name." I felt him nod against my chest. I smiled a bit. A sad smile that I didn't want Roxas to see. "…and then we watched the sunset from up here." Running my hand through his hair, I turned my head towards the sun that would never finish setting. I felt Roxas move his head, too. I wondered what he was thinking now.

As we both watched what was our last sunset together, as I held Roxas in my arms, I wished to myself that I had two hearts –one for Roxas and one for me.


End file.
